A Diary of an Unspoken Love
by lorelairorygilmore
Summary: A love triangle between Luke, Lorelai, and and a mystery women. Luke and Lorelai are married. It has murder, suicide, adultery, babies & yoga, but very humorous.
1. Chapter 1

Introduction:

October 31, 2007- Sookie gives birth to baby Colgate.

November 23, 2007- Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes are married.

December 25, 2007- Rory gets a job writing an advice column for the New York Times (Ask Rory)

February 14, 2008- Paul Anka has puppies with Sookie's poodle (Ella Fitzgerald). They had six babies but only two of them survived (Paula and Effa).

Lu Luke

Lo Lorelai

T Taylor

Chapter 1- Coffee, Keys, & Yoga

Lorelai Gilmore rushed through the hallway of the hospital, thinking that her mother had only broken her ankle. What she didn't know, was that her mother had a dirty little secret: she was addicted to painkillers. She walked into her mother's hospital room, to find her father silently crying. This terrified her; Richard Gilmore had always been an exceptionally strong man except when it came to death. She remembered the only other time she had seen her father like this; when her grandmother had died. She looked over to the bed, where she saw only a white sheet and the shape of a woman underneath. The doctor ran in, saying that they had given Emily Gilmore painkillers, only to discover that she had been taking painkillers ever since Lorelai had left the house with baby Rory. She quickly speed-dialed her husband, Luke; however, his phone was off. Suddenly she had a flashback to when Christopher's phone was off during her father's heart attack. She broke down; she had always thought that Luke would be different than Christopher, that he would be the One.

A few days after Lorelai's mother's funeral, Luke was in a crappy mood. She was still mad at him for not being there for her and not going to Emily Gilmore's funeral.

Lo: I can't believe you didn't come with me to my mother's funeral!

Lu: I don't want to talk about it; we're in a public place.

Lo: I don't care that we're in the diner, we should talk about it now! LIVE IN THE MOMENT, LUKE! LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

Lu: What the hell is the matter with you?

Lo: Sorry, I'm just PMS-ing right now. I hate you all!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Lu: Woman, please!! Do you have enough coffee in your system? One day all that coffee is going to catch up to you, and I THINK IT'S TODAY!

Lo: NO, WE'RE GOING TO STAY RIGHT HERE UNTIL I'M FINISHED!!!!!!

Luke dragged her up the stairs to his bedroom, where they had angry make-up sex. During the sex, they continued yelling at each other.

Lu: GIVE ME THE KEY!!!... The key to your heart.

Lo: What?

Lu: I JUST WANT THE FRICKIN KEY!

Lo: Well maybe I would have given you the key if you had come to Emily's funeral with me.

Lu: I hated your mother, I was the one providing her with painkillers.

Lo: I HATE YOU!!

She storms out the door, only to find Jess driving Taylor in his car; they were speeding madly. Jess sees something in the road, and swerves and hits Taylor's favorite bench ad.

T: I JUST WANTED TO GET TO MY YOGA CLASS!!

Taylor loudly shouted those words, before hitting his head on the dashboard and flipping over into the windshield silenced him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Taylor's # 4

The whole town was cheering, because Taylor was now in a coma. But later that day, he died. A few days later, at Taylor's funeral, the following conversation takes place:

Ms. Patty singing some Jewish hymn

R: I am going to miss taylor

L : I know, I will miss taylor too

R: He was so cute with his sweater vest and his candy store

Everyday the sweater vest and the candy store

L: if he just would have added some pants

R: MOM!

L: SOrry, I'm Just trying to lighten the mood

R: 'cause you wouldnt want a downer funeral

L: Okay, we're being serious now

S: Taylor hated mushrooms

R: I hate mushrooms too

L:hey, did you ever notice that in stars hollow, death comes in 5s

It's true last year, Chester thompson, Sara Merriman, Fran's sister and the Soctish twins

S: that's right!

L: the year before, chuck O'mishner, Santo preze JR., Santo Preze Sr...

S:Perry Lewis and Charlie Slater. YOU'RE RIGHT!

L: and now Pinochle Downs, Mr. Angelotopolis..

S: Mrs. Krenz

L: .. and Taylor

R: wait a minute that's only four

L: It is onl four!

S:that means the fifth hasn't happened yet.

# five could be in this room right now.

L: Hank Krutzman

R: Hank Krutzman?

S: Why wouuld it be Hank Krutzman?

L: beacuse he's 110

R: Hank's 110?

L: no

R: why would you say that?

L:' Cause that's the age you say when someone's really old

R: i don't

L what do u say?

R: i say the age they are, otherwise I would seem cruel and insensitive

L fine the point is, he is very very old.

R well that doesnt make him# 5

S: hank krutzman, he was such a happy guy.

L: he had such a good life

S: he owned those horses

L: He loved his golf

R: STOP!

L: what?

R: you guys just eulogized hank. He's not even dead yet.

don't think it's hank because if we think it's hank and something happens and it turns out to be hank then we caused it

L: she's right

S: it's not hank.

Reverenge: will restore the bells!

L: do you reamber the bells they sound great!

S: no it was way before my time!

Patty: One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells

R: your first kiss

Patty :Sure okay.

(hank falls)

L: Oh, no hank!

S: Hank are you all right?

LHe's okay

R: thank god

L: We're gona be very stressed out for the rest of hank's life

R: serves us right for making him the fifth

L: We did not make him the fifth. We don't have that power

S: we just speculated.

L: that's it. For all we know anyone could be the fifth

S: that's right, it could be anyone. Luke or Reggie or Andrew or Kirk

(Kirk falls)

Kirk: It's going dark!

L: We are the witches of east wick.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Polka Dots & Lace

One night around midnight, Rory come out in her underwear, which was very cute, red white polka- dots with white lace on the top, to get pie. Then all of sudden a man runs down stairs and it is LUKE!!!

R: Oh MY GOD! LUKE!!

Rory runs back into her room. Luke looks after her, realizing he loves her.

A few days later... Dean came over and put socks into Luke's sock drawer. Then the next day the followings conversation went on.

L - Luke

T- TJ

Luke: I'm not wearing my sock.

T.J.: what?

L: I'm not wearing my socks

T: so, what are those, someone else's?

L: Yes.

T: what?

L: I'm wearing someone else's socks.

T: I'm sorry, I need more.

L: I spent the night at Lorelai's place

T: also known as your place

L: Got up a little late, grabbed a pair of socks, and was halfway to work when I realized they were someone else's socks

T: and your sure of this?

L: If there's one thing in this life I am sure about it's my socks.

I Buy the same brand in bulk and I've been doing this forever.

My socks are all white with a red stripe. These are white with a gold stripe and some sort of fruity padding in the toe

T: Maybe they're jess' socks

L: they are not jess' socks

T: you're not wearing your socks

L:I am not wearing my socks!

Luke thinks Lorelai has been cheating on her. A week later, Rory receives an interesting letter for her advice column:

Dear Rory:

I am married to this wonderful woman, but now I am slowly falling out of love. It has been 5 years and I still don't have a key. Not even a magical talking key. I think she may have been cheating. Now I think I am falling in love with her daughter. She is young and hot. I have known her since she was very young.

Please help,

Love confused diner owner


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Buttons & Vegetarians

Rory, suddenly struck with this familiarity from this letter; she thinks she might know who sent it. IT'S LUKE!!!!! Then, she figures out, she looks deep into her heart, only to find that she only has eyes for Lucas. That must be why Logan did not work out, but she still wanted to be with a guy whose name started with the letter "L". A week later, while she was visiting Lorelai, she confronted Luke about the letter while Lorelai was at a special store for vegetarians, for an hour. (She recently became a vegetarian herself and Doose's just wasn't doing it for her anymore, since Taylor was dead). Luke admits it, and says he wants to feel her body. They have a moment.

R: I've loved you ever since you gave me that necklace on my twenty-first birthday.

Lu: I've loved you ever since the polka-dot underwear. I just want to love you and give you all the sensual things you need.

They start madly making out. Luke starts to unbutton her shirt, when they hear Lorelai's car pull into the driveway. Quickly, they get out of the room, him sitting on the chair and her sitting in the kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- Death in the Newly Added Forest

A woman walks into the kitchen; however it was not Lorelai. IT WAS SHERRY!!! Sherry had secretly been having relations with Luke for a year.

Sherry: I thought you loved me!!

Lu: I never loved you! You were just my pleasure while Lorelai and I were going through a rough patch, but now I have found a new love.

R: Yeah, witch with a b!

(Sherry got so mad, that her face started to turn red.)

R: I can't believe you're wearing green! Red is the new green!

Then, Luke takes out his B.B. gun and points it at Sherry.

Lu: Say hasta la vista, baby!

Then, he shoots her, and drags her body off into the newly added forest behind their house. Next he beats up her car, then drives it into the newly added lake next to the newly added forest. However, he jumped out at the last minute to watch the car drown slowly.

This only took half an hour, so Luke and Rory still had half an hour to have mad sex.

They were sitting in the bed (naked), thinking of what song could be their song. Rory finally has an idea; I'm too sexy for my shirt!

All of a sudden, the words "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts" comes booming over the sound system.

Lu: No, it's too sexy!

R: It's supposed to be sexy, honey.

Lu: You're stupid.

R: Go die.

Lu: I love you too, honey.

R: I love you too, honey.

Lu: We've been here before.

R: I recognize that tree.

Lu: Let's do it again.

They do it again.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Suicide & Friends

A few days later…

Richard Gilmore commits suicide while watching Friends (The One Where Joey Dates Rachel).


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- Pregnancies

One year later…

Lorelai and Luke are still married. Luke had become a different man since he had started having relations with his stepdaughter. Lorelai is falling more deeply in love with Luke, since he has become a changed man. Meanwhile, Luke is falling deeper in love with Rory.

Lorelai gets pregnant with Luke's baby, although she doesn't know it yet. Rory also gets pregnant with Luke's baby, although she doesn't know it either. However, four weeks later…

Lorelai eats an APPLE!

Then, LOGAN GETS PREGNANT!!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- Cletus in the Dining Room… Dead!

Lorelai was having major mood swings; one moment she was filled with elation, and the next she was screaming at Luke for no good reason. She also started getting strange cravings, such as vegetables with chocolate. One day, Luke and Lorelai got into a fight at the end.

Lo: Why the hell did you leave the dishwasher open??

Lu: Because I didn't want it to get mildew-y!!

Lo: Well, I bumped my shin into it and now I have a huge bruise and it's all your fault!

Lu: Well, you're an idiot for walking into the thing in the first place. I mean if you'd rather not get one little bruise here and there but have mildew on all your dishes, fine by me; I'll just buy my own plastic and paper dishes and use those!

Kirk all of a sudden runs thorough the kitchen… NAKED!

K: AHHHHHH!! I'M NAKED!! BOMBS ARE FOLLOWING ME!

Lo: Whatever!! Just let him fend for himself with those rosebushes, I doubt Sookie would be willing to take a look at him again.

To try to ignore Kirk's screaming, Lorelai walks into the dining room only to find Cletus standing there.

Lu: Why is this stupid horse here?

Lo: I don't know!

Lu: You should get a better lock, this stupid quad-ped animal is standing here and eating the dinner from last night because it's still on the table from breakfast because you guys are dirty here and have a dirty place and you're just plain dirty!! And this horse is dirty, you should have him cleaned, I'll clean him God just give me the frickin' soap! God this place is dirty! I'm going to shoot you horse, if you don't clean yourself up!

Luke takes out his B.B. gun and shoots the horse.

Later, we discover that Luke was under the influence of painkillers and alcohol when he shot and killed the horse. (No actual animals were harmed in the making of this document).


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Lorelai screams out high-pitched in horror.

Lo: Why did you do that?? I'm going to divorce you, and de-forest you by taking out the newly added forest in the back of our yard, you fool! You'll never find a better woman than me!

But little did he know, she already had; her daughter, Rory Gilmore.

To be continued


	10. Chapter 9 again

Chapter 9.5- Papers, Paternity, and Patriotism

A few days later, Luke receives the divorce papers in the mail. Lorelai comes by the diner.

Lo: Ohh Luuuuke!! I want a divorce! (in a country southern bell high-pitched accent).

Lu: Get out of my house you nasty no-teeth woman!!

Lo: You backwards baseball poo-cow!

Lu: You, I'm going to beat up your car!

Lo: JUST SIGN THE STUPID PAPERS!

Lu: Fine, idiot! (Signs the papers quickly, and throws them into her face, giving Lorelai a black eye).

Lo: (Slowly walks backwards towards the door, and runs into Kirk, the new town selectman).

K: HELLO WORLD! I AM THE NEW TOWN SELECTMAN!!

Lu: Kirk, get the hell out of here you dirty man!!

Lo: NO! He's allowed to be here it's a free country!!

All of a sudden, we all hear a high-pitched screen, and everyone's faces shoot towards the ice cream shoppe, and there is Taylor hanging by a noose, and a chair tipped over underneath him.

K: NOOOOOO!! YOU WERE MY REAL FATHER, THE PATERNITY TEST CAME BACK TODAY!! MY REAL FATHER ISN'T MY REAL FATHER, YOU ARE!! WAHHHHHHH!! (Kirk bawls like a baby).

Kirk takes out a knife, and slits his throat. Lulu comes over, grabs the knife from his limp hand, and yells out "ROMEO! ROMEO! WHERE ART THOU ROMEO?" and slits her throat.

Luke gets Caesar to clean it up and throw the bodies in the dumpster. The town walks away as if nothing happened.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10- Kirk Only Lives Twice

Mrs. Kim sees all these deaths as an opportunity for dictatoring.

This is Mrs. Kim's Dictatoring List

Change everyone into Seventh-Day Adventists

Every restaurant in town is closed except for Luke's Diner and Al's Pancake World

Everyone must buy one item of antiquery a week.

Then, Lorelai put a little weird voodoo thing on Kirk's body and got him to awaken for one day. Kirk goes over to Mrs. Kim's house, watches her sleep for an hour, and then pulls out a BB gun and shoots her- five times in the finger. Then he collapses and dies for the second time.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11- 7 months + 2 months 9 months

7 months later:

Lorelai waddles into the diner, screams "LUKE I'M HAVING YOUR BABY!" and storms out.

Luke, stunned, yells "STELLA!!"

Rory waddles in two hours later, and calmly says "Luke, it's not Dean's like we thought- it's yours. (dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn).

Luke quickly runs over to her and gives her a long, sensual hug.

Then, Jess comes in. "YOU'LL NEVER BE THE FATHER TO MY CHILD!! THAT'S NOT YOURS, IT'S MINE!"

Ro: Well, I was with both of you around the same time, so it could be either one. We should probably get a test done. But Luke, I'm pretty sure it's yours.

One hour later:

Rory walks into the diner, "Luke, I got a test done, it's definitely yours!"

20 minutes later:

Rory comes home. "Hey Mom!! I have to talk to you about something."

Lo: Hey, what's up? OMG, you're pregnant??!! How far along are you?

Ro: About seven months, same as you?

Lo: Yes, I am also pregnant seven months.

Ro: Who's your baby's daddy?

Lo: Well, it's Luke, I think he impregnated me right before we filed the divorce papers.

Ro: OMG, he's also the father of my baby! You dirty whore, get out of my house!

Lo: No, this is my house!

Ro: But Luke won it in the divorce so it's mine now! (She kicks Lorelai's butt out into the street).

2 months later:

Rory rushed to the hospital going into labor, while in the parking lot they run into Lorelai. She is also in labor.

Ro: I missed you Mom! Why did you have to leave me?

Lo: No, I love you too!! I never meant to leave you! (Tear drops slowly pour down their faces).

Rory takes out Luke's BB gun. "Hasta la vista, baby!" and shoots Luke in the heart. He dies.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12- Epilogue

After Rory broke up with Logan, he became a cross-dresser, but stayed a man, but got woman parts, and got impregnated by Luke on Luke's bachelor party. (Before Luke and Lorelai's wedding).

Logan gives birth the same day as Lorelai and Rory. His baby girl was named Banana.

Rory's baby boy is named Dave Luke Kirk Andrew Andy Al Max Dean Jess Chirstopher Alex Jason Zack Brian Brad Taylor Henry Finn Colin Gil Richard Logan Marty Robert Ethan Davy Steve Quawn Doyle Glen Jackson Ceaser Morey Grant T.J. Tom Tristin Hanlin Joe Bill Mitchum Archie A.K. Bootsy.

Lorelai's baby girl is named Jennifer.

Paris and Doyle have five children in a one-year period.

Rory and Lorelai took over Luke's Diner and made it Chatty Cathy's Coffee Shoppe

They also got the ice cream shoppe, and turned it into an "everyone-get-fat-and-get-free-ice-cream".


End file.
